April 8, 2026
The Kind of Grief No One Sees
Some grief is obvious. It shows up in tears, in moments where you cannot hold it together, and in days that feel completely off track.
But there is another side of grief that is much more covert.
I remember how it would show up in my thoughts, often when everything around me looked normal. I felt different than the people around me because of all that I was holding inside. I could be going through my day, doing what needed to be done, and underneath it all, there was this constant awareness that something was missing.
For me, it was not about blaming myself.
It was about the reality that Jenna was not here.
She was not here for Paul and me. She was not here for her sisters in the same way. And there was a deep kind of pain that came from watching my family carry that loss too.
That was one of the hardest parts.
It was not just my grief. It was seeing it reflected in the people I loved. It was knowing I could not fix it for them. I could not make it better. I could not bring back what was taken from all of us.
That kind of pain sits with you in a different way.
There were moments when everything felt normal on the outside, but to this day it has never really left. It comes up in quiet moments, in small reminders, or even when nothing specific is happening.
I found myself thinking about what life would look like if she were still here. I would imagine the conversations we would be having, the moments she would be part of, and the way our family would feel different.
I’m fully aware I cannot change what happened, and if I’m being honest, there are times when this feels overwhelming.
What began to help me was not trying to get rid of that feeling.
It was learning how to be with it in a different way.
Over time, I began to understand that my role was not to fix everyone’s grief.
It was to be present with them, and to also take care of how I was carrying it myself.
That shift mattered.
Because when you are grieving, it is easy to take on more than your heart can hold.
Simple ways that helped me carry the pain differently
These are a few things that helped me over time. They did not take the pain away, but they helped me move through it in a more steady way.
- I allowed myself to feel the loss without trying to change it. Instead of asking why or trying to make it different, I let myself acknowledge the truth of what was missing. That helped me stop fighting something that could not be changed.
- I separated what was mine from what belonged to others. I had to recognize that I could not carry my daughters’ grief for them. I could be there for them, but I also needed to take care of my own emotional space.
- I stayed connected to Jenna in ways that felt real to me. I thought about her, talked to her, honored her through our work with our #hersmile Nonprofit, and kept her presence part of my life in a way that felt special. That connection mattered more than trying to move past the loss.
- I gave myself permission to not have it all together. There was no timeline or right way to move through this. Some days felt heavier than others, and I learned to accept that without judging myself.
- I focused on what I could do, not what I could not change. I could not bring her back, but I could show up for my family, take care of myself, and continue moving forward in a way that honored her.
OUR MISSION
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