Coping with the Sad Death of a Loved One: A Guide to Healing

I want to share with you all the impact that losing Jenna has had on me. So many of you knew her spirit and the light she brought into every room. Her passing left a void that words can barely touch. It wasn’t just heartbreaking for all we lost together; it was devastating to think of all she never got to experience—the dreams, adventures, and moments she was meant to live. That late afternoon, when Jenna passed, an indescribable emptiness set in. Standing on the banks of the train tracks, I realized that death isn’t just someone’s absence; it’s the end of every future moment we could have shared with them. This isn’t only my story, though I’ll speak from my heart. It’s about the profound weight that a loss like this carries for all of us who love and experience this type of loss.

When you lose someone, it’s not just the finality that consumes you—it’s the immense void left behind, reshaping everything you thought you knew about grief. For those of us who loved Jenna, it’s a profound emptiness that holds all the memories we hoped to make, all the dreams that will now remain unfulfilled. Whether you’re facing the sudden loss of a loved one or navigating the path of grief, this is for those who feel unmoored, struggling to find meaning in the wake of a great loss. Here, I’ll reflect on what makes loss so deeply impactful, explore the nature of grief, and share how words can sometimes capture emotions that feel impossible to express. Let’s walk through this together, honoring the love and the ache we carry.

Sad Death: The Role of Sadness in Grieving

Grief is more than just sadness; it’s like being adrift in a vast ocean, with each day presenting a new wave of emotions to navigate. Some days, the tears come easily; other days, there’s just a numbness, a quiet emptiness that settles in. Sadness, while painful, has become an essential part of my grieving. By allowing myself to feel this sadness fully, I am, in a sense, giving myself the space I need to heal.

What does that mean, exactly? How does feeling the depths of sadness actually help? It’s a question I wrestled with often in the beginning, wondering if letting myself sit with the sadness would only make the pain worse. But over time, I began to see that by truly allowing myself to feel, I was honoring the depth of my love, my memories, and the life Jenna brought into my world. Embracing sadness doesn’t take away the pain and it doesn’t mean you are weak, but it does help you face it honestly, acknowledging each feeling instead of trying to push it away.

In many ways, letting myself feel sadness has allowed me to make space for healing and understanding. By sitting with my emotions, I’m not running from them or pretending that the loss is any less real. Instead, I’m giving myself permission to grieve in a way that honors both my own journey and the memory of Jenna. It’s as if feeling sadness, lets me embrace the full truth of her absence while still holding onto the love that remains. Also, what’s fascinating is you can feel sadness without being a “sad person”.   This is where healing begins, not by escaping the pain but by allowing it to exist alongside love, giving both room to breathe.

Cherishing Memories, Embracing Joy, and Honoring Their Spirit

When I think about Jenna, I often find myself thinking about our precious memories together. These memories have become a way for me to keep Jenna close. Remembering the good times, looking at photos, and writing in my journal have given me a sense of connection to her. I often pray to Jenna and write to her, keeping her close in spirit. I also have the great intention on continuing to make new precious memories, seek joy, and share love in her honor and for a life cut short. These quiet intentions and conversations have softened my sadness, helping me feel that she’s still with me in my heart and the wind beneath my wings.

Finding Support to Mourn

Grieving is hard, and it’s not something you should have to do alone. After my loss, I found that talking to others who had experienced a major loss helped me. Support groups are invaluable during the grieving process. In these groups, you meet others who understand what you’re going through because they’ve experienced a sad death themselves. You realize that, while your pain is unique, you are not alone in your grief.

Whether you’re looking for support locally or nationally, here are some groups that may help:

Local Options (Martinez, CA Area)

• First Baptist Church Martinez GriefShare: Located at 1802 Alhambra Ave, Martinez, this group offers a 13-week GriefShare program that includes video seminars, group discussions, and personal exercises to support the healing journey. (GriefShare Martinez)
• Kaiser Permanente Northern California Hospice – After Your Loss Classes: An 8-week virtual support group for adults who’ve lost a loved one, open to both Kaiser and non-Kaiser members. Pre-registration is required. (Kaiser Hospice)
• Hospice of the East Bay: Offers individual and group counseling for grief, including various programs for adults, teens, and children in the Contra Costa area. (Hospice of the East Bay)

National Support Groups

• GriefShare: Available nationwide, GriefShare offers a 13-week program with local group meetings in many communities. They provide support for anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. (GriefShare.org)
• The Compassionate Friends: A national organization dedicated to supporting parents who have lost children, as well as siblings and grandparents, with local chapters across the country. (Compassionate Friends)
• The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families: Provides resources and support for families and children experiencing grief, including online resources and locations throughout the U.S. (Dougy Center)
• National Alliance for Grieving Children: Offers resources and connects families to local and virtual support groups focused on grieving children and teens. (National Alliance for Grieving Children)
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP): Provides resources and support groups for those impacted by suicide loss, including online and local support. (AFSP Support Groups)

Connecting with others who understand your journey can be a crucial part of healing, whether it’s in a nearby community or a national group. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this alone; there are people ready to walk this path with you.

Continuing the Journey of Healing

Grieving the loss of someone you love is a journey with no fixed destination, and it’s a path that we each must navigate in our own way. For me, holding onto Jenna’s memory, allowing space for sadness, and finding support have all been parts of my healing. Yet grief also brings with it the opportunity to honor our loved ones by continuing to live with intention—seeking joy, building new memories, and sharing love in ways that reflect their spirit.

In the hardest moments, know that healing is not about "moving on" but about integrating love and loss into who we are becoming. Remember, it’s okay to feel deeply, to reach out for support, and to give yourself the grace to heal at your own pace. You’re not alone, and together, we can find meaning, even in the midst of profound sadness. May we continue to carry our loved ones with us, allowing their memory to inspire us to live fully and love deeply.