Does Grief Ever Go Away? The Reality of Healing and Moving Forward

Grief has been a constant companion in my life since I lost my 14-year-old daughter in a tragic accident in 2014—a moment that changed my life forever. I have felt the heaviness of that loss, the sharp edges of grief that cut deep, and its uncanny ability to catch me off guard at the most unexpected times. Like many who grieve, I’ve often wondered, “Does grief ever truly go away?” The truth, as I’ve come to understand it, is that it doesn’t. Grief doesn’t fade into nothingness; rather, it transforms. It changes shape, and, over time, we learn to carry it differently.

In the midst of that grief lies a profound, unending desire to remember—to hold on to the love, to share in spirit the life I once dreamed of sharing in person. It’s why I carry her with me, not just out of habit but out of a deep need to keep her close, woven into the fabric of my life. Writing this comes from that personal, tender space, and I hope that by sharing my journey, it might resonate with others navigating the depths of loss, bereavement, and healing.

In those early days after losing her, I couldn’t imagine ever feeling whole or breathing freely again. The weight of my grief was suffocating, and I questioned if I would ever find my way back to who I was before. But as the years have passed, I’ve learned that while grief doesn’t vanish, it becomes a quieter, more bearable presence in my life. It no longer dominates my every thought as it once did, yet it lingers, like a shadow—gentle and familiar. And through her passing, she has taught me to live, to not hold back from embracing this life fully. She reminds me that life is precious and fleeting, a gift not to be taken for granted. So, I carry her with me, letting her spirit guide me to live with greater intention and open heartedness.

Types of Grief and How They Differ

The Nature of Grief: Does Grief Ever Go Away Completely?

When Jenna passed, I didn’t question how long grief would last. I just remember being determined not to let it consume me or my family.  But I now know that grief doesn’t follow a predictable path or a neat timeline. I’ve found that grief doesn’t ever truly disappear. It changes, yes, but it becomes a part of your life in different forms.

In those early days, I was engulfed by acute grief—a swirl of shock, disbelief, and overwhelming sorrow. I fought to imagine a future where I would feel whole again. It wasn’t until about six months after Jenna passed that I realized the pain would never truly go away because the love would never go away. Love binds us to our grief, transforming it into something we carry within us.

Around that time, something surprising happened. I remember feeling a moment of genuine happiness, a fleeting sense of lightness that made me question how I could feel happy while I was still so deeply sad. It was then that I realized I could hold both emotions at once: happiness and sadness, joy and sorrow. They weren’t opposites, but companions, each allowing me to honor my love for Jenna while also embracing life. This paradox was a revelation—that I could experience grief and still find moments of peace, even joy, alongside it.

For me, grief has evolved from acute to integrated grief. The intense, all-consuming sorrow has softened, and while Jenna doesn’t occupy every waking thought, her presence remains a constant in my everyday life. She is my confidant and the person I pray to for direction and guidance in my life.  So for me the question of "How long does grief last?" is complex, and perhaps there is no single answer because, for many of us, grief lingers as a profound and enduring connection to those we love. It binds us to memories and moments and gives us a way to stay connected to those we’ve lost.

Some days, I feel balanced and at peace, while on others, the ache returns as sharply as ever. But I’ve learned that grief doesn’t need to overshadow joy; it can exist alongside it, each emotion honoring the depth of a love that will always endure. Grief, in this way, becomes an unexpected companion, one that walks beside us, reminding us of the love that remains with us always.

Adapting Over Time: Noticing How Grief Evolves

How does one adapt to loss? In the beginning, grief feels insurmountable, an all-encompassing weight. But over time, subtle changes begin to emerge—small signs that our relationship with grief is shifting, even if the pain doesn’t completely fade.

One way people might notice their grief adapting is through the ability to recall memories without the same intensity of sorrow that was once overwhelming. There may come a day when thinking of a loved one brings a gentle smile before it brings tears, or when a favorite story or cherished moment resurfaces with a sense of warmth rather than only loss. These shifts don’t erase the sadness, but they invite in more moments of comfort and connection, allowing us to hold onto love in a new way.

Another sign of adaptation is the way grief becomes woven into daily life. We may find ourselves able to engage in routines again, feeling more present in our surroundings, even if traces of grief remain. The heart may still ache, but it’s no longer incapacitating. This is not about “moving on” but rather about finding space to carry grief alongside other parts of life.

Grieving also teaches us that this process isn’t linear. As we adapt, we might still experience waves of sadness when something—a song, a photograph, or even a familiar scent—triggers memories. But over time, those waves become gentler, more like ripples than torrents. Adapting to grief means learning to accept these unexpected waves, allowing them to be what they are without fear, knowing they will pass and that they are simply part of the rhythm of loving and remembering.

Adaptation doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to live with grief as a companion. Through these subtle changes, we honor the love that endures, finding ways to carry it forward while embracing the life still before us.

Prolonged Grief Disorder: When Grief Doesn’t Go Away

For some, grief doesn’t soften over time. I’ve had friends who experienced what’s known as Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD). This type of grief feels stuck, as though the person can’t move forward no matter how much time has passed. In these cases, the mourning process becomes debilitating, interfering with their ability to live their daily lives. I’ve been fortunate enough to find ways to cope with my grief, but I’ve seen how devastating prolonged grief can be for others.

Prolonged grief can lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair. It’s important for people experiencing this kind of grief to seek help, whether through counseling, support groups, or other professional resources. I know that grief doesn’t go away entirely, but when it feels like it’s preventing you from functioning, it’s time to reach out for help.  Remember, it’s okay to seek help.  I have always said to my girls, “It’s the strong who seek help.”  

Coping with Grief: Strategies for When Grief Doesn’t Go Away

On my journey through grief, I’ve leaned on two profound strategies that continue to help me adapt and heal. First, I let the grief move through me, rather than fighting or suppressing it. To this day, writing and journaling remain essential tools. By putting my feelings onto paper, I find a space to process my sadness and emotions. Journaling allows me to stay connected to Jenna, often writing letters to her about my day, sharing moments I wish we could experience together, or simply telling her how deeply I miss her. This practice keeps her close to my heart, allowing me to honor our bond in a way that feels meaningful and real.

My second source of support has been the guidance of an incredible grief counselor, Kathryn Cardinale, whose wisdom has been a lifeline. Her book, Joseph—My Son, My Guide: Communications From the Baby I Lost at Birth, reflects her profound understanding of loss and healing. Her compassionate insights and tools have helped me navigate the complex emotions that accompany grief, offering me a safe space to honor my feelings and continue my journey toward healing.

Other Strategies That May Help

While these strategies have been my personal anchor, I recognize that grief is unique to each person. Here are a few additional approaches that others may find helpful in navigating their own grief journey:

1. Physical Expression Through Movement: Engaging in gentle physical activities like walking, yoga, or even mindful stretching can help release some of the emotional energy stored in the body. Physical movement offers a constructive way to process grief and can provide relief, even if only temporarily.
2. Creative Outlets: Art, music, and creative writing can serve as profound tools for expressing emotions that might be difficult to articulate in words. Many find comfort in painting, drawing, composing music, or even creating memory books dedicated to their loved ones, allowing them to express their grief and honor memories in a deeply personal way.
3. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness allows people to stay present with their emotions without judgment. Meditation can help calm the mind, making space to observe feelings of sadness, anger, or nostalgia without feeling overwhelmed. Guided meditations focused on grief can provide structure and support for those new to this practice.
4. Support Groups: For many, sharing with others who understand the weight of loss can be tremendously healing. Support groups, both in person and online, offer a safe space to connect, share stories, and find solace among others walking a similar path. Knowing they are not alone can provide comfort and a sense of community.
5. Routine and Rituals: Establishing routines can create a sense of stability, while small rituals—like lighting a candle in memory of a loved one, visiting a special place, or dedicating time each day to reflect—can serve as intentional acts of remembrance. Rituals remind us of our connection and provide moments of peace in the midst of grief.
6. Professional Counseling: Therapists, particularly those specializing in grief, can provide tools and coping mechanisms tailored to each individual’s experience. Counseling offers a safe, non-judgmental space to explore and make sense of the emotions that come with loss.

Grief is a deeply personal journey, and the path forward looks different for everyone. Whether through writing, movement, mindfulness, or connecting with others, there are many ways to honor grief while learning to live with it. These strategies offer a range of options, giving each person a chance to find what feels most supportive as they adapt to their own unique journey through loss.