March 23, 2026

Waking Up With Grief

Waking Up With Grief

Morning can feel especially cruel when you are grieving. I remember when I was in the early days after losing my daughter. When I fell asleep, there was a brief escape. For a few hours, I wasn’t fully inside my reality. But waking up was different. Waking up meant returning to a world I no longer recognized. And on many mornings, that return felt like stepping into a bad dream. There was often a moment right after I opened my eyes when nothing had fully come back yet. The room was still. My mind was quiet. And then it would return. The loss and the remembering that this was my life now.  People talk about how hard evenings are, and they are. But I remember mornings carrying their own kind of pain. Mornings had their own kind of cruelty. I remember them feeling like I was climbing out of a dream and stepping into reality that felt like a nightmare. Some days, simply opening my eyes felt like the first brave thing I did. Over time, I began to realize that mornings didn’t have to feel so hard on me. At some point, I started taking more control over my morning rituals. I knew I couldn’t change what had happened to Jenna, but I could change how I showed up to honor her each day and that helped so much. So, there were a few simple ways I began to honor Jenna each morning.
  1. I gave myself a moment before stepping into the day. Before my feet hit the floor, I would pause. I would place one hand on my chest and the other on my stomach, then take a slow breath. In that deep diaphragmatic breath, I would honor my forever love for my daughter and take a moment to be with her spirit.  That small pause helped me enter the morning with such special intention.
  2. I spoke to her and stayed connected. Every morning, I would talk to her in my thoughts. I would tell her I missed her and that I intended to live out my day in her honor.  Those quiet moments brought her closer to me and helped like we were moving into the day side-by-side rather than completely separated from her.
  3. I created a gentle rhythm to start the morning. I stopped rushing into the day. I would make coffee and stand by the window for a few minutes. Some mornings, I would sit in silence in my dimly lit kitchen. On other mornings, I would write in my journal the truth about how I felt. 
And before I sign off, I want to tell you that my husband came up with his own morning ritual, too.  The best part is he totally created this ritual on his own. It happened organically, and I had nothing to do with it. Each morning when he wakes, he visits a personal altar that honors all his loved ones who have passed before him. Even if we are traveling, he doesn’t miss a day participating in this morning ritual.  None of these things changed the fact that our grief will always be there. But these practices do change how our mornings feel. Instead of a space that digs its teeth into you, the morning slowly becomes a sanctuary for connection and honor.

hersmile

Embark on a profound journey of resilience and spiritual growth with Dena M. Derenale-Betti, a mother who bravely navigated the depths of grief after the tragic accident that took the life of her 14-year-old daughter. Her incredible story unfolds as she transcends the pain and devastation of loss, transforming her understanding of life’s purpose. Through her intimate and powerful blogs on hersmile.org, her books—including You Are Stronger Than You Know, My Daughter Told Me So and her newest release When Grief and Loss Won’t Shut Up—and the heartfelt courses she creates in the space of grief, loss, and resilience, Dena offers tools and hope to others walking this difficult path. Her roles as a mother of three daughters, wife, friend, community leader, and business owner reflect her dedication to building loving connections and contributing to the world around her. A graduate of the University of San Francisco, where she played on the school’s inaugural golf team, Dena is passionate about personal growth and believes that love can conquer all. As you immerse yourself in her captivating journey, remember to find your own strength and cherish the power that love holds in shaping our lives.


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We are a nonprofit founded in honor of Jenna Betti, funding programs to empower and inspire people to thrive despite adversity.


 

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