Let’s consider a time in our lives when we found ourselves heartbroken,
stressed or dancing with joy. For me, I instantly think of the day my 14-yearold
daughter passed away. I’m betting the time you choose didn’t just
happen as a consequence of nothing. Something must have
happened…maybe something really bad happened or for that matter, maybe
something amazing happened for this to be a meaningful memory to
you. The point is…something happened that caused you to have an
Emotions do not stand alone. They are our internal interpretation of our
external world. Generally in life if we feel happy it’s related to us gaining
something in life, we’ve progressed…moved forward. The opposite is true
with negative feelings within us. Our inside worlds are completely affected
by our interpretation of our outside worlds. This is HUGE and, yet, for most of
us we are unaware of the thoughts that run through us!
Of course our emotions live on the inside of us but consider for just a moment
how the quality of our inside lives are directly impacted by the quality of the
circumstances, situations and relationships we find outside ourselves. And
this is how we work as human beings. There are always triggers on the
outside of us that cause us our emotions.
Thoughts play a foundational and crucial role in our lives but when you really
think about it, where’re not even in control of every thought that pops into
our heads. But what we are in control of are the thoughts we choose to
focus on. You might disagree and say you are in control of all the thoughts
that pop into your mind but I would like you to consider all the negative
thoughts and all the self-defeating thoughts that pop into your mind. Are you
in control of all those thoughts as well? Do you really like those thoughts so
much that you choose to have them pop into your mind? The answer is
“no…of course not.”
I turned my attention to the awareness of my thoughts when Jenna passed
away. I knew that it would be my thoughts around my beautiful daughter’s
passing that would either destroy me or somehow propel me forward.
If you think of it, do people settle for unfulfilled, depressed or anxious
lives because they are in complete control of their emotions? No, because
learning to manage our emotions is a skill that, for most of us, we were never
So people will say that this happened to me or that person said something to
me; therefore, it’s that situation’s fault or that person’s fault for why I feel the
way I do or for why I act the way I do. But this actually demonstrates a
complete lack of responsibility for our inside worlds.
When you think of it…none of us has a problem when our lives are going
well. We don’t get depressed or anxious when we’ve got everything we want
in life. But we do experience negative emotional states either when we don’t
have what we want, we don’t know how to get what we want or we don’t
actually understand how we operate from the inside out.
Situations in life happen and then the quality of our thoughts will determine
how we feel. Whether we are able to master and manage our emotions in life
will determine if we’re able to master and control our behaviors. This is the
By becoming the objective observer of your own thoughts, we will begin to
create a beautiful life for ourselves despite all the circumstances of our outside
worlds. I am living proof that it truly works.