It was a shock wave that propagated through me. An energy so strong I struggled to managed its force. I was fully aware of the whole of my heart shattering within me.
For most of us the pain in our lives isn’t so distinctive. There is no sudden loss or tragic event to point your finger to and childhood traumas, life disappointments and bewailing thoughts have long drifted to that unconscious part of our being…so far pushed to the back of our minds we are clueless to their ravaging existence within us.
I guess in this case I was one of the lucky ones…one who could pinpoint the root of their pain. In a moment it erupted within me. It was glaringly obvious and for that, I guess I was lucky because I knew in that moment I had a huge decision to make. I could take responsibility for what I was going to do with the cards I had been dealt or I could curl up and die inside.
But what about those whose heartaches, challenges and insecurity have drifted so far back in their subconscious that recognition of their existence is virtually impossible? They donâ€™t realize the road they have walkedâ€¦from childhood to now has deeply shaped them. And without the proper amount of grit and personal responsibility, their lives fall short of expressing all the beauty and power that lies within them.
During Oprah’s Lifeclass on Taking Responsibility for Your Life, she said, “If you are sitting around waiting on someone to save you, to fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your time. What matters is now, this moment and your willingness to see this moment for what it is, accept it, forgive the past, take responsibility and move forward. Take responsibility for the life you want to have.”
Those are powerful words from a very insightful woman!
Like Oprah said, people from every course of life have the ability to take responsibility for their life and it doesn’t matter how difficult our lives have been or how tragic our circumstances have been…we have the power to take personal responsibility.
But working for things is both liberating and totally scary.
Taking full responsibility for your life means you . . .
- make your own choices and decisions;
- you create the life you want based on your belief and values;
- you’re free from the depression and anxiety of not living up to the outside world;
- and you experience the joy of being authentically yourself.
But it’s also frightening because you . . .
- can no longer blame others for your failures and disappointments;
- can’t cling to the thoughts and traumas that have become your story of how you define yourself;
- have to let go of the old you and create the masterpiece of your authentic self.
However, I know all too well that once we take personal responsibility for the lives we want to have despite our frustrations, headaches and traumas, we have then created a fertile ground to plant our seeds for amazing personal growth. Then and only then are we able to grow to our highest potential and its also then that those fears begin to dissipate.
YOU deserve to have an amazing life…not just a “mediocre” life! Go get it!
So let’s jump right in. My job is to help coach you on a path of self-discovery.
Get yourself into a quiet place with a pen and pad of paper and not behind the wheel of a moving vehicle!
Reflect on the questions presented on this lessons…be as honest with yourself as possible. These are your private notes.
- What have I been doing, and continue to do, in my life that I know is NOT working for me?
- Why have I not yet taken action to ‘course correct’ my journey in order to get different results?
- What am I procrastinating about doing?
- What negative habits do I have that I know I need to let go of?
- Did I invest my attention, time or resources into my personal growth, knowledge, wellbeing and/or happiness in the past year in any way?
- What goal, dream or aspiration do I have for myself for the coming 12 months that I’m ready to make happen? Where is fear currently controlling me?
Many people live completely disempowered lives because they haven’t taken full responsibility for their lives. As mentioned previously, many individuals believe that they are ‘victims’ of the circumstances that life throws them. Now, although bad things do happen in life, we always have a choice as to how we act and respond to our circumstances.
Oprah said, “Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom” and Estee Lauder said, “I didn’t get there by wishing for it, or hoping for it, but by working for it.”
And like me, you find that things are easier and life is more enjoyable because you are creating it on your own terms rather than reacting to it.
So what are the secrets to living a self-empowered life? The real secret is awareness and we’ll be jumping deeper into that topic next week. Once you are aware that you are giving away your power through fear and blaming, you are more than halfway there. But there are some specific mind shifts and actions that can help you.
I am honored to pay forward all the love that has been given to our family after my daughter Jenna’s passing, click the link below to learn more about the rewards of having someone positively support you.
Learn how to:
Take a hard look at your life to see where you might be giving away your power. How are you letting other people define or control you or your behavior? Who are you blaming for your situation? What is your contribution to a conflict or life circumstance? What are you avoiding and what excuses are you giving yourself and others?
Take a hard look at your life to see where you might be giving away your power.
- How are you letting your circumstances define or control you or your behavior?
- Are you blaming anyone for your situation? If so, who?
- How are you contributing to the level of fulfillment in your life?
- Are you tired of not living your life to its full potential? If so, what are you doing about it?
Kill the Victim
Self-empowered people don’t see themselves as victims. They view themselves as the creator, the one who holds responsibility over the outcome of their lives, they do not relinquish their power and ultimately they decide on the path they want to take despite their circumstances.
To take control of your own life, you must let go of the victim mentality. But be warned, the victim within you may be very difficult to identify. It could be deeply entrenched in your psyche from being victimized in the past. Sometimes it even feels good to be a victim because it brings sympathy and attention. But that’s all you get from it. And sympathy and attention aren’t enough for a happy life.
Drop Your Story
Part of being a victim involves perpetuating the identify you’ve created for yourself. It’s the part of you that says…”I am the way I am and I behave the way I do because this happened to me in my life.”
All of us have these stories, and they are based in truth. You were never good enough as a child. Your heart was broken. You have endured great loss. Everyone has suffered, and some have had truly horrifying or debilitating life events. But if you use these situations as the constant mental recording for your life, you will NEVER escape being the leading character of a sad story. The more you reinforce your story, the more entrenched you become in it. Therefore…create the story you WANT to live!
Fake It Until You Feel It
Becoming a self-empowered person doesn’t happen overnight. You have to practice. You need to model the things that self-empowered people do until you gain mastery and confidence.
Begin by actively shifting your thoughts away from victim language and toward success language. Try to catch yourself in thoughts of blame, shame, guilt, or self-pity. Then replace those thoughts with words of gratitude, self-love, forgiveness and acceptance.
Ask yourself what you feel about yourself and your life. Notice what the voice inside you says and write it down.
If the voice was negative, how could you rephrase the sentence to express gratitude, self-love, forgiveness and acceptance? Write your answer down.
I have always said it’s the strong that seek help. Self-empowered people embrace positive support. Asking for help does not mean you are weak or incapable. It means you are empowered enough to take full responsibility for your soul’s evolution. It means you are seeking to model human thoughts and behaviors that produce the results you want in your life.
This help can come in the form of books, courses, therapy, coaching, and the counsel of friends and family. Everyone, even the most self-empowered, can benefit from the support and insights of others who have our best interest at heart.
It’s possible to surround yourself with a model of self-empowerment right NOW!, click the following link to find out how you can join our empowerment class.